Last night I reached a conclusion, whilst sitting outside with a glass of wine and a cigarette, I started to realise I am nothing more than a sitting duck in this town. I am playing the waiting game and it is driving me insane.
My friends have all set off on their own journeys, whether it would be traveling or even just moving for Uni, however I am stuck here 'saving' for my trip overseas in August.
If you could call it saving, I am currently living on $80 a week as my boss's refuse to give me anymore than one shift a week.
My days are spent waking up at midday, sitting around watching TV, then going to bed at midnight.
It is not a life. I have nothing going for me.
I have decided I'm going to move, I have friends in other cities that I could live with, and there are so many more job opportunities than here.
I need to get out of this place, but have no way on how to tell my parents.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Goodbye, good riddance.
I know, I'm sorry, I do realise that I just posted a blog claiming that this was going to be a happy blog from now on, but I need to vent.
One other thing that has occured in the past few weeks is the realisation of who my friends actually are. Since school has ended I have heard a lot of defamation that has come from my so called friends' mouths. The fact has come quite obvious that I really have wasted the last year and a half of friendship on a group that other than a select few can't actually stand the sight of me.
The main perpetrator and I have had some issues in the past but I have believed that this was all just silly shit that didn't matter, apparently this isn't the case. From past experience I am not going to speak up about this as I have found it does no good, but I will say one thing. For someone who claims to be straight forward with all of your opinions, you do an incredibly shit job at following your beliefs through with actions. I actually find you extremely hypocritical in so many more ways than one.
I'm not bothering with any of you anymore unless you make an attempt at talking to me. This is not worth my time or my anger, and I am so sick of having to put up with it.
Bye.
One other thing that has occured in the past few weeks is the realisation of who my friends actually are. Since school has ended I have heard a lot of defamation that has come from my so called friends' mouths. The fact has come quite obvious that I really have wasted the last year and a half of friendship on a group that other than a select few can't actually stand the sight of me.
The main perpetrator and I have had some issues in the past but I have believed that this was all just silly shit that didn't matter, apparently this isn't the case. From past experience I am not going to speak up about this as I have found it does no good, but I will say one thing. For someone who claims to be straight forward with all of your opinions, you do an incredibly shit job at following your beliefs through with actions. I actually find you extremely hypocritical in so many more ways than one.
I'm not bothering with any of you anymore unless you make an attempt at talking to me. This is not worth my time or my anger, and I am so sick of having to put up with it.
Bye.
Boredom.
I have noticed that so far all I have done in this blog is complain.
So here is a happy blog. The only predicament is that I cannot think of what to write other than what is happening in my life.
As uneventful as it is here goes...
I have now got a full time job and earning money again. I love it and prefer it so much more than Coles. It is at the Yackandandah Star Hotel, I am a chef's assistant three days a week and a waitress on the weekends. As I have no license, a drag in my social life has occurred as a consequence of working these hours. Looking at the positive aspect of it, I at least am saving the money I need for my travels next year.
The month of July for when I leave for overseas seems to be creeping up rather quickly and I still haven't obtained my visa or passport, and have no where near the sufficient funds for the trip but hopefully it will all work out for the better. I am so excited to finally see my beautiful friends again.
Having finished school now seems bizarre. I keep thinking that I am on Christmas holidays and therefore returning next year, it's funny how even though I finished around two months ago it still hasn't settled in. I didn't get the ENTER I was hoping for however I may still have a chance at getting accepted into my course. If not, it just gives me some more time to travel which personally, I have no quarrels with.
If I happened to be accepted into my course I plan to study Psychology at La Trobe. I am still not positive whether I want to do a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in Psychology or study the full degree. I believe the BOA will be a lot more interesting as I can take up many other subjects along the way. I am glad I still have a year to decide because there is no way I will be able to decide now.
Seeing as I am talking about future decisions and dreams I would like to give a shout out to Richard Perso, even though he will most likely never read this. This man has just returned home from recording his own music in Brooklyn, New York. I'm so proud that this small town boy has reached his goals. I wish my luck for you Dickyyy :)
Anyway, I'm out. Talk to you later darlings xx
So here is a happy blog. The only predicament is that I cannot think of what to write other than what is happening in my life.
As uneventful as it is here goes...
I have now got a full time job and earning money again. I love it and prefer it so much more than Coles. It is at the Yackandandah Star Hotel, I am a chef's assistant three days a week and a waitress on the weekends. As I have no license, a drag in my social life has occurred as a consequence of working these hours. Looking at the positive aspect of it, I at least am saving the money I need for my travels next year.
The month of July for when I leave for overseas seems to be creeping up rather quickly and I still haven't obtained my visa or passport, and have no where near the sufficient funds for the trip but hopefully it will all work out for the better. I am so excited to finally see my beautiful friends again.
Having finished school now seems bizarre. I keep thinking that I am on Christmas holidays and therefore returning next year, it's funny how even though I finished around two months ago it still hasn't settled in. I didn't get the ENTER I was hoping for however I may still have a chance at getting accepted into my course. If not, it just gives me some more time to travel which personally, I have no quarrels with.
If I happened to be accepted into my course I plan to study Psychology at La Trobe. I am still not positive whether I want to do a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in Psychology or study the full degree. I believe the BOA will be a lot more interesting as I can take up many other subjects along the way. I am glad I still have a year to decide because there is no way I will be able to decide now.
Seeing as I am talking about future decisions and dreams I would like to give a shout out to Richard Perso, even though he will most likely never read this. This man has just returned home from recording his own music in Brooklyn, New York. I'm so proud that this small town boy has reached his goals. I wish my luck for you Dickyyy :)
Anyway, I'm out. Talk to you later darlings xx
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
My sanctuary, to give me serenity.
My mind is too debilitated for opinions.
Alternatively, I have settled for photography until I relocate my mindfulness.
This is my sanctuary.
The place to hide my emotions.
Alternatively, I have settled for photography until I relocate my mindfulness.
This is my sanctuary.
The place to hide my emotions.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Everybody's free to wear sunscreen.
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '09, wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now...
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance - even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
"Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out
Whenever I can"
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
"Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can. Everybody's free. Everybody's free to feel good"
Quindon Tarver.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now...
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance - even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
"Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out
Whenever I can"
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
"Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can. Everybody's free. Everybody's free to feel good"
Quindon Tarver.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Take me away.
I want to leave. I want to begin a mind blowing journey. I don't want this life I am meant to lead. I don't want the belongings. I don't want the identity that I have let myself obtain. I want my dream of not having a home. To have an obituary of an extreme tale. I want my life story to become a novel. I don't want to be another person in the crowd who was born, grew up and died. Everything from here on end is conforming to society's norms. Take me away, a million miles away from here. Give me the courage and motivation to get out of this place. Give me the courage and motivation to be free.
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